Nobody said being an alpha-gamer-chad was a walk in the park. in fact, walking is often prohibited by alpha-gamer-chads as exercise is a form of weakness. while walking is considered beta-cuck behaviour, any self-respecting alpha-gamer-chad will tell you: nothing is as beta, or cuckish, as not being up. Allegiations have surfaced accusing self-proclaimed 'alpha-gamer-chad' Ducku Kingaruu of just such an offense. is it true? well, we talked to the sources to find out.

does an alpha-gamer-chad ignore Rocket League invites?

A game invite, to a casual observer, seems like nothing more than a casual request; a friendly proposition. we, on the other hand, know that an invite, to a true alpha-gamer-chad, is much more. to an alpha-gamer-chad, an invite is a challenge. once an invite is sent the sender has thrown down the alpha-gamer-chad gauntlet, and the recipient must accept the invite under nearly any circumstance—noteable exceptings to this rule include: chicken tendies, good boy points, diaper change,etc. an alpha-gamer-chad risks losing their status as an alpha-gamer-chad every time they are unable to accept an invite. Certain reasons for missing an invite are grounds for immediate revokation of alpha-gamer-chad status. reasons including: Gaming-related RSIs (real alpha-gamer-chads dont succumb to carpul tunnle), lack of strength due to chicken tendie depletion, excercise, and worst of all: Not being up. In my interview with a confidential source close to the matter, they stated: yeah, like, I definitly spammed Rocket League invites to him, and his steam profile indicated that he was indeed online, but sure enough, my invites were ignored. I'm not saying that Ducku Kingaruu wasn't up, but it's definitly suspect; it certianly begs the question.. this revelation was probably very disturbing to you, dear reader, because i know it was to me, but, i must warn you: if you have a weak stomach, click away now. it only gets worse

A history of sleeping

my Interviewee went on to say that this isn't the first time Ducku Kingaruu's integrity has been called into quesetion in regards to being up. ...One time, i must have sent 100 invites to Ducku [Kingaruu], but none of them were excepted. at first, i thought it was probably something understandable, like, i dunno, he was busy trying to lick the last drop of broth from his ramen bowl, but then, i saw him alone in the League of Legends voice channel. no bots, no music, nothing. i joined in, and before i could even say my typical greeting, i was assualted by snoring. disgusted, i left the channel very disturbing to say the least. #CancelAlpha-gamer-chadStatusForDuckuKingaruu

Plenty of Other Options

We are sure that Ducku Kingaruu is absolute scum,but, what do now? well, the solution is simple: replace Ducku Kingaruu with a more alpha, more chad, alpha-gamer-chad. its easy! there are plenty of options:

• EGirl

  EGirl is possibly the most chad of all the alpha-gamer-chads, and i have been assured that she volunteers at homeless shelters on weekends, absolutely adores puppies, and hates women and minorities with unparalleled furocity. honestly, an all around solid choice

• Hu

  His friends even call him Alpha. Hu has made a name as possibly the most Alpha alpha-gamer-chad the have ever existed. whats more, Hu voted for Daddy Donald in the last presidential election. hot, sexy, and a alpha-gamer-chad to the bitter end.

• Ducku Kingaruu's Girlfriend

  better at rl than Ducku Kingaruu, and has never once refused an rl invite. A true gamer.